Home
by jasminetiger
Summary: Jason is numb, hurting and confused and somehow ends up at the manor- home? This is before Battle for the Cowl. NO slash. General- Tragedy and Hurt. One-shot.


**This is set right soon after Jason sees Bruce's good-bye message to him and right before Battle for the Cowl. Jason is around 17 and a half. I don't own Batman and stuff. Hope you enjoy!**

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HOME

Jason snuck through one of the windows on the second floor of Wayne Manor. It had been three and a half years since he'd stepped foot into this, house? No much too big to be called a house, it was by all definitions a 'Manor,' some might even go so far as to call it a castle; Gotham's castle? Well, the Wayne's castle, technically, but they had built up such a big name for themselves, in Gotham, that Bruce Wayne _was_ often considered the 'Prince' of Gotham himself, to some degree, so maybe it was Gotham's own personal 'Castle,' in a way.

Jason had spent two years of his life living here; from an untrusting twelve year old to a confused, rebellious fourteen year old, still not quite in the swing of things.

Huh, he was _never _in the swing of things, ever. If he were honest with himself, truly honest with himself, which he found himself doing less and less these days, he wasn't sure why, he was just so confused and angry and, and… 'hurt,' he wasn't exactly sure why, he just knew he was; he was filled with so many mixed emotions at all times, it seems, that it makes it hard to think sometimes, he's just so _confused _about everything, it seems.

Huh… But if he were 'truly' honest with himself, he'd have to say those were the best two years of his life. They were far from perfect, but still… It felt like… It felt like _home_**, **at least for him. He didn't really have great experiences with 'homes' in general, for a while he didn't even have a home, he thought while slowly walking through the halls.

Nobody would be here, he knew, they were all taking care of Gotham, which felt as if it were at a standstill. It hadn't yet realized that _Batman _wasn't coming back, not the Batman at least… Not Bruce.

Jason continued to walk through the Manor, Castle… Home? He wasn't sure right now, nor did he care, he was just _walking _numbly down the ghost like halls occasionally turning his head looking into rooms, before slowly turning his eyes back to his feet. He wasn't thinking really, just walking. He wasn't even sure why, and in a way how he got here, he was just here.

It had been only a few days since Tim had let him come to the cave to show him Bruce's final message to him. Then he remembered feeling, feeling, hurt? Numb? Betrayed? Again, so many mixed feelings, after watching it.

He remembered somehow showing up in one of his safe houses, before having a breakdown. He didn't remember much from it just that his place ended up being destroyed from it. After that he was just numb. He also didn't remember what the message had said. Not because he had short term memory or anything, simply because he had chosen to forget it. Or had it been a defense mechanism? Okay, why exactly he wasn't sure, he just knew he had.

Grant it, it was still there, he _knew_it was still there. He also knew he had purposely blocked it for a reason. He knew some of the feelings that had come with it, along with the thoughts. Thoughts like 'Why'd you have to wait 'til you were dead to tell me that?'

Jason shook his head pushing the thoughts further away. He didn't want to think about it or any of his confusion, because if he did that, he somewhat subconsciously thought, 'I will surely break, or might,' he wasn't sure, and he didn't want to know so he just pushed those thought away too.

Jason didn't know what to call this, this _numbness_,grief, denial, shock? Or maybe the harsh truth hadn't settled yet. Like Gotham, waiting, waiting. Waiting for what? Chaos, to break. Jason knew it would, did he think was going to too? He wasn- No don't think about it.

Jason looked up only to find himself in front of his room; well, his old room, right? It wasn't his anymore, it was just another part of the Manor, the castle… the-

Jason almost mechanically wrapped his hand around the knob before slowly opening it. Next thing he knew he was slowly walking into his old room. Not much had changed he numbly noted while slowly looking around, not really processing that he was actually in his old room. The room was cleaner then he had left it, but it was still set up the same. There were still his old books on his old bookshelf, he thought while slowly walking up to it, reading the titles.

'Heart of Darkness,' 'The Jungle,' 'gods at War by Kyle Idleman,' some John Piper books, along with C.S. Lewis books, 'White Fang,' along with others. He idly picked one up, while skimming through the pages, see the notes he'd placed in them.

He ended up on his bed holding the book while slowly looking around his room his eyes landed on the picture of him and Bruce on his nightstand. He reached over and slowly picked it up before bringing it closer to get a better look at it.

It was one of the somewhat few pictures him and Bruce had taken together. They were both smiling in the picture; it had been a pretty fun day. They had gone down to the dock to go fishing, one of their few Father son bonding experiences and went to see a movie afterwards, they also had gotten chili dogs, Jason remembered because Bruce hated chili dogs.

Jason gripped the picture tighter letting his eyes fill with tears before one managed to slip onto the picture frame.

I was never loved was I? Not like Dick, just some poor kid you picked up off the street. A failure, you're failure, you said so yourself.

Jason was then filled with so many overwhelming emotions, he didn't know what to do. He tried to hold back a sob clutching the picture harder, he needed to get out of here, he thought, going to put the picture down, only to catch himself, he looked back at the picture before opening the frame hastily and practically ripping the picture out, before stuffing it into his pocket. He then put the pieces of the frame back onto the nightstand before quickly retreating down the halls of the Manor, Castle, H-

'No, not home,' he thought. Home isn't a place is it? It's a feeling. A feeling of safety, acceptance, of, of he wasn't even sure! All he knew was this, this place wasn't home. Not anymore at least, he thought while slipping out the window, before darting through the lawn; tears pouring down his face and blurring his vision.

This place isn't home, not anymore, 'but that's okay, it doesn't matter' he kept telling himself, knowing he was lying to himself, that he did in fact care, but he just pushed those feeling away, just like the rest.

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**Batman: BATTLE** **FOR THE COWL- Last man standing**

'It didn't have to end this way. If only Jason could have reached out to us. Any one of us, he could have saved himself. But you know what? Some people don't want be saved, because saving means changing. And changing is always harder than staying the same. It takes courage to face yourself in the mirror and look beyond your reflection.'- Dick Grayson.

( '**Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.' – Jesus – Matthew 11:28 – The Bible ESV)**


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